Most people have what is known as “rabbit ears.” Whether it’s the mechanics of your golf swing or the secret to making the perfect martini, most of us are susceptible to the opinions of others. Especially when the speaker is someone we admire or think we should admire because of their perceived status.
Writers are particularly afflicted with this ailment. We attend writers’ conferences and online classes, belong discussion groups, and search the internet for any tidbit that will provide us with the key to joining the just-out-of-reach NYT bestseller list. Convinced that we are so close, we are on an endless crusade to master the “Rules of Writing.”
Just how insane is this fixation? Google “The rules of writing” and you’ll find countless entries listing even more countless lists of such rules. Some are pretty good, such as:
· Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue. The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. Elmore Leonard
· The first 12 years are the worst. Anne Enright
· Write in the third person unless a really distinctive first-person voice offers itself irresistibly. Jonathan Frantzen
· Read widely and with discrimination. Bad writing is contagious. PD James
Others are, at best, pedantic and at worst asinine:
· Show don’t tell. Every useless academic teaching courses in any MFA program.
· Never use the same word twice within two paragraphs of each other. See Show Don’t Tell.
· Commas should be used only where an instructor in any MFA program would advise. Ditto.
Interestingly, almost every writers’ conference you attend will feature, as speakers, published authors, many of whom you’ve never heard of. They invariably will say something along the lines of, “There are no rules when it comes to writing.” They’ll spend the rest of their allotted time telling you what the rules are.
So, are there any “rules of writing,” and if there are what are they? I’ve achieved ever broadening success as a writer by acknowledging that there is one suggestion and one rule. The suggestion is simply that you write a terrific novel. You don’t have to in order to become a bestselling author, but it greatly enhances your odds. How do you write a terrific novel? You have to have a creative imagination, a genuine wordsmithing talent, and an intuitive capacity for what today’s readers want. That brings us to the first encounter with reality: not everyone is capable of becoming the writer of a terrific novel. Yeah, disappointing isn’t it?
That one rule I mentioned above likewise is simple: be the luckiest s.o.b. on the planet. Disappointed? Hell, now you’re devastated. The reality is that there are some bestselling writers whose bestsellers are poorly written, mostly because they can’t wordsmith a smooth-flowing, believable story. But with the right marketing and a (Southern metric system) shitload of luck, they’re weeping all the way to the bank. It just doesn’t seem fair that luck should assist bad writers and penalize good ones. Get over it, that’s just the way the business works.
But you can exercise some influence on Lady Luck. The first thing is: write a terrific novel, one that has conflict, escalating tension, plot twists, compelling characters, and doesn’t read like it was written by a grade school dropout who doesn’t have a first language—English or otherwise. The next step is to create product. The more books you publish, the greater the chance of being “discovered” by a significant segment of the reading public. Third, engage a professional freelance editor to do a line edit and a developmental edit. That’s not an in-law who taught English courses in middle school. It’s not a fellow writer who agrees to editor yours if you’ll edit theirs. FACT: people are either writers or editors, not both. It’ll cost somewhere around $0.04 per word for these services. Much more than that and you’re being screwed. Much less and you’re dealing with a lesser talent.